Spaciousness relieves my suffering
Have you ever thought about why we suffer? Recently I have been thinking about this a bit. In a sweet little challenge to my mindfulness practice (or that how I am trying to perceive it!), the ongoing leak in my ensuite has been providing me with quite the opportunity for growth.
I feel like everything is going really well except for this one thing; and this thorn in my side has been going on for so long that it has started to fester inside of me. Some days, I will go through the day and not even remember that it still exists and then some nights – it hits me and I am so frustrated by the lack of progress, that my minds starts spinning and I feel rage, as well as complete hopeless which then leads to anxiety. It’s like I have taken a shot of adrenalin and fuelled my mind out of control.
Luckily for me, I am currently reading Eckhart Tolles book the New Earth, for a second time. (and really recommend it! )
In it, Eckhart talks about our inner purpose is to be able to access the spaciousness that exists between the thoughts. That our true inner purpose is to recognise that our thoughts are just object forms and that the true self, is that sense of awareness that allows the thoughts to be witnessed.
Sometimes I find accessing this space comes with ease, and at other times if my mind is so full of thought – I cannot recognise or separate the witnessing from having just another thought. Thoughts just roll in on top of each other, over and over and over.
So for some time now, I have been focusing on practices that help me to cut the cords to the thought – and let them go free!
Once again, these concepts are truly so challenging to understand if we try to do so through thought. It just doesn’t make sense!.
And so when it doesn’t make sense – what I do know to do know is to go to my senses!
And it is through the embodiment of these practices that I have been able to start to recognise within myself the sensation in my body when I am the witness or when I am just a rolling ball of thoughts all confused and wound on top of each other like a tight ball of rubber bands.
To access my place of witness – I cannot think my way there. I have to feel my way there. I have to notice my breath and then notice the sensations in my body that make it feel like it is alive. I have to feel the air on my skin, and the inner body pulsating as my organs do their own thing, with no guidance from me. I have to move away from thinking and seek sensation.
If I am thinking thoughts like “Nah this is right, or Yes you are SOO right”, or names of people to blame, or alternative scenarios, then I know I am not the witness. My body will have tension in it. My eyes will feel busy like they are searching for something. I can feel my heartbeat and it will be rapid, even if on the outside I am pretending to be relaxed. When I finally bring my attention to my breath – it will be shallow.
In contrast when I do truly become the witness of my thoughts, and I enter my
inner space of expansion. Then I feel a sensation like I have step through a gate and I’m walking to a door and as I step through the door, everything is just left behind. Beyond the door becomes an expansion of calm like the greatest of rippling oceans.
When I become witness I feel like there is space but no linear time. It is all just now. It’s like there is no need for the record of time as it’s all there. The sands of the egg timer just run through to nothing, never being flipped.
When I am able to access the space between the thoughts, I can witness each one. From the place of witness, I truly get to experience so much more than any negative thoughts could offer me.
When I experience this I have been able to really lesson the grip that negative thoughts can create. When I am able to come the witness
- I feel into my body, and disconnect from my trail of thoughts and from here all I feel is hope, faith and potential
- When I dance into this space through Qoya or if I meditate there; I connect directly to uncover a feeling that is an unlimited source of joy
- When I shine a light by providing space between perceived negative aspects of myself or the judgement of others – I feel their power to create feelings of suffering relax their grip on my behaviour
- When I challenge my negative thoughts – I recognise that the vast majority are not true. And if they are not true, then why am I allowing them to make me suffer?
- When I let go of negative chatter, and sit between the thoughts – my next actions are always more purposeful and directed to that which I want to create for myself in this material world. I am more effective and efficient. I have greater focus.
- If I stay in the negative thought space – I can now recognise that I am a victim to my own “untruths”
People make judgements over the idea that if we are only in the present then how do we move forward? How do we get shit done? But I have started to experience that the more I am in the present the more, I actually get done. We are not to just sit in the present. We are to Be in the Present. And your presence when Present is what gives you the power to focus and create from a deeper and more meaningful place.
Byron Katie’s work is so profound in this space that it often blows my mind with its simplicity and its ability to shift me to a whole new level of understanding self-acceptance and grace. Click here to find her, her tools are AMAZING.
In her interview with Oprah Winfrey for Soul Sunday, she shares a story about human’s turning up to the gates of heaven, where everything is “perfect” – and as human’ s in our current consciousness our first “thought” will most likely be a negative judgement of everything that’s perfect! And as soon as we believe this negative judgement/thought we will no longer be in heaven. Therefore if we are able to constantly question the validity of believing our negative thoughts then we too can relieve our own suffering and create our own heaven on earth.
So today my mantra is…
Spaciousness relieves my suffering