You think you haven’t… But do you know otherwise?
Have you ever asked yourself what your life is really about?
Do you ever get a clear answer?
Or …I think I haven’t.
I just typed those words above eg “I haven’t..” but as soon as I did, my stomach turned and it felt like a lie.
I left it on the page anyway.
But then I wrote “I think I haven’t” and that felt like the truth.
I have become astutely aware that often the things that I am thinking or telling myself are just blatantly, not true. So if write, that “I think” I haven’t, then in most circumstances, that thought, actually is true because whilst I might be “thinking” to myself that I haven’t, somewhere, something else feels it knows otherwise.
Your thoughts can create so much noise, so much doubt and so much fear. So if I am to truly to answer this question, for myself; how do I move away from just the thinking, and how do I actually ground myself into what really feels true for me, on all levels.
My quickest tool, comes directly from the introduction to a Qoya class. And it is as simple as “It doesn’t matter what it looks like, but if it feels good, then you know you are doing it right”.
So to let go of the thinking, I breathe deeply to connect with what my body is telling me. I start to direct my attention away from the noise of my mind to a different place, to a place of sensation, I get quiet and I get curious about what is going on in my body. To help me, I may even begin to move with it, just to open up my own awareness.
And then I ask the question again.
I even get curious about why I am asking the question in the first place; and then slowly I move my attention around my body to see where the truest answer is hiding. My body holds every experience it has ever had, as well as the experiences of the generations before that has created it. My body holds a depth of untapped wisdom, that my mind will never truly know.
When I asked my body “Have I heard the answer to what is my life about?”.
My body says “Yes!”
But why then, does my mind say “No”?
The mind is like a Safety Manager, my mind and ego are there to protect me.
And because the bodies answer makes my mind feel uncomfortable, as it is a threat to its current status quo then my mind likes to get noisy and say “No, you don’t have the answer”. The bodies “Answer” does not tell me every single step by step instructions on how to do it, so my Mind freaks out because it cant fill in all the blanks. The mind really doesn’t like the blanks!
The Answer kicks off in the mind the fight, flight or freeze response. It tells me I don’t have the answer because I don’t have everything I need to make it safe. It shoots messages to my guts making it feel uneasy. Making it question everything.
But somewhere, in the quiet space I can feel that My heart says “Just relax and be open”. My gut starts to question is the feeling fear of not knowing or is it excitement? In the quiet my gut really says “It’s exciting not to know, be bold” and my pussy says “Your highest pleasure is your purpose!”, my third eye says – “Just take small steps and as you do it, help others to come with you.”
So whilst my mind says “No you don’t know your purpose because you don’t have the full picture– my body says “Yes, you do and you’re doing it”
So today I have let my body win and have taken one more step. One more blog post towards my reason to be.
If you have come to a place in your life and you have the opportunity to even ask this question, then you will know that you have been given the privilege of reprieve from just surviving.
And when you ask the question, and (if) the angels don’t trumpet down a clear response from the clouds – then I encourage you to get quiet and get curious, and start to explore where the questions and the answers sit in your body. Does it make you stomach queasy, does it make you heart open or does it make your pussy tingle? For it is only from within you that you will learn to see what your truest path is and what it is not.
I invite you to just for a moment, forget the messages from others, release the hard work, shut down the excel spreadsheet of benefits analysis; and just see if you can be quiet and become gently curious of the sensations created in your body when you ask the question.
Come and be an explorer with me, by letting your path be guided not by the safety manager of your thinking mind but instead by your North star that resides in the wisdom of your body.
Next Qoya Class – Sunday 19 August – 2pm Higher Spaces 466 Victoria Street Richmond Theme: “Feel the fear and do it anyway”